Beginning of Feb

Exciting news...I am going to Paris!!!! I have been refraining from putting this on Facebook because...well really, I am not on there much and I am leery about adding that information on there. What if someone wants to burglarize my home?! So no dates will be mentioned, until I have returned, and I will probably keep my posts minimal. Yes, that is the extent of my paranoia. I am so incredibly excited to be going and cannot believe this amazing opportunity. I get to travel with my hip g-ma, and we are going to have such a phenomenal time exploring the city that I have loved since High School. I still cannot believe that I am going! Such a dream come true! So many places I want to see, food I want to taste, people I want to meet. I want to soak in the culture and just enjoy. I am lucky to be going with her, for many reasons really, as she has this vast experience with travelling and enjoying her areas. She has this way of making people feel special and important especially those that other people might view with disdain. She treats them with respect and they often want to show her the same. She was telling me about a concierge that she met when she was last in Paris. She had some amazing photos (possibly paintings) that she had paid for and they were damaged. Well he got her replacements for free out of the kindness of his heart. She, after many years, wants to go back, maybe find him, just to show her gratitude. That is so sweet, on both counts. He didn't have to do that for her, and probably wouldn't have if she had been a "typical" American and was rude and demanding. I am fairly certain, given her character, that she had treated him with a high level of regard and respect which in turn warranted his eagerness to help her out. I am very excited to share this experience with her and see Paris with someone so remarkable.

Ok, onward to life.

Things are going really well for me. I have been eating the plan that I was given and sticking to it. I did have some emotional turmoil that occurred last week that put me in a funk and, while I could see that my outbursts were a bit unwarranted, I couldn't stop the flood of emotion. I have been on such a high with energy and eating healthy that when I dropped, it was significant. I have been slowly building myself back up to that high but it has taken some time. I holed up in my condo over the weekend cleaning and just decompressing with my dogs. As I get to know who I am and accept my core traits and needs, I am discovering that I really crave alone time to rework my mind (yes, that is the sign of an introvert, which I know I am). I do have to thank my Mom for pushing me to spend time with the fam on SuperBowl Sunday when I really didn't want to but I do need to learn to say no, I am going to have some me time, for as long as I need to. I have the tendency to let others influence how I feel about myself and it is not necessarily a good thing.



**Warning - Emotions**
When I was first offered the trip to Paris, I sent a frantic and very real email to my mom. Here is how it went:
Me:

Should Paris work out…I am a little nervous.

 Am I too fat to go?

Mom:

WHAT?????? 

OK – reality – you will need an extender on the plane but so frickin what? You need to live life? Can you drop 20 lbs before than… very easily if not more. I lost 30lbs in 5 weeks eating a strict paleo diet, portion controlled. It will give you more energy for walking around the city.

Don’t act like a fat person and you won’t be a fat person. Please… go and have a fantastic time???

It continued on and we made plans for the gym but the initial email was fueled from my belief that I am less than and unable to do what "skinny" people can do. That is terrible! How have I, at the age of 30, let myself be influenced by others to determine what I can and cannot do. I know a lot of it stems from past stuff that has effected me over my many years and I work through it on a daily basis, but looking over the email string, it breaks my heart that I live with that fear. I love my mom and family for showing me that my worth is not based on my size or what I look like. It is hard to wrap my head around sometimes but their constant love and support has really helped. 

**Emotions Ending**

So this eating plan is becoming a bit boring and I am struggling to make it delicious. I am also having a hard time eating all of the food I am supposed to but when I deviate from the plan, change up the veggies and proteins, I struggle even more. I am not straying and have been good about sticking with it...I have had weak moments like all people have but I am very proud that I am still going. I keep my new shoes in my office as a reminder and it definitely keeps the fires going. Thrive has been a big help in keeping my energy levels going and with more energy, I am able to do more for myself. I am really just focusing on one day at a time and giving myself the best options that I can. 

Ceathair

Day 4 and it is finishing out this week splendidly!

Last night
I made the most delicious dinner possible. Tired of chicken, I cooked up some salmon! First I diced up my sweet potato super tiny with some diced onion and cooked on low with some water to help soften everything. Once fork tender, I threw in a ton of smoked paprika and garlic powder and a small tsp of avocado oil. I then put the heat on blast and let it develop a crust. While I was cooking that, I had some salmon in another pan cooking with just a sprinkling of paprika. Once the potatoes were crispy, I threw in some shrimp, spinach, fresh garlic, more paprika and cooked until the spinach was wilted but still fresh. OMGosh it was so delicious! I wish I had added more spinach to it last night so I could have had more to eat it was that good. I duplicated it so I could have it for lunch and it did not disappoint. Yum!

3:50 pm
Well it has been much too busy to update this today. I brought both dogs and Bill was outfitted with his new bling (a lovely collar much like Daisy) and he felt the jock a bit when the static hit him. Boy, he has been an angel since! Comes when called, isn't hopping the gate that keeps them corralled in my office, and whining less. I know some people believe that positive reinforcement is the only way to go and, while I cannot speak to your dogs or how they behave, mine need a firm hand at times (no that does not mean i hit my dogs, which I don't) and have to have a consequence for their bad behaviors as well as a reward or praise for their good. Daisy is stubborn when she wants to be and Bill has the thickest head ever. The collars are a tool to shake them up a bit and interrupt their own thinking so that my commands and direction can be heard and followed. One lady at the dog park recently berated me for the use of the collar and it made me laugh. It is like telling a parent that they can only reward their children and have no discipline or consequences. Let me take care of my babies my way and you can handle it yours. For the most part, I have some pretty good dogs. They are sweet, loving, and hilariously zany. I have no wish to change that! Ok rant through.

My day is well. FYI this took me over an hour to write due to several interruptions. Busy as always and I missed both my morning and afternoon snacks. I dont feel hungry but I know I will be later so I must eat my snack! At least my second snack since I probably wont eat dinner until much later to avoid getting hungry when I have my down time. Overall, I am seeing the differences and the changes and I love that I can see it. I can feel it as well but seeing it is so much better! Yay!

Drei

Day 3!

Last Night:
Yesterday was a bit rough though only in that I am having a hard time finishing my food. Part of it is because I screwed up my schedule and ate things so late and the other part is that I am really not very hungry. With some advice, I cut out my last snack/dessert and, if I am the same today, I may cut out my first snack.


10:35 am
I woke up this morning with a raging headache and I am trying to figure out why. I drank the 100oz I am committed to yesterday so maybe I am not eating enough? I am really struggling getting all of the food in and I am thinking that it is because my eating schedule is all crazy. If I can get breakfast finished by 830 I will be in good shape but, like yesterday, I am still working on finishing breakfast and it is nearly lunchtime. That means my snack, if I eat it, will be scarfed down around 12 and lunch wont happen until 1 or 2! It doesnt help that I accidentally doused my eggs in cayenne pepper last night and my mouth is on fire with every bite. Haha sometimes I envy my brother with his mouth and stomach of steel (literally and figuratively).

1:53 pm
Just now starting lunch and I need to scarf it to make sure I am on track to eat my snack around 330. Schedules are so hard when your phone wont stop ringing, people wont stop emailing, and everything is a rush. I need to change my email signature to simply "As you wish". Oh Wesley.

2:38 pm
Half way done with my lunch. So. Much. Food.

3:45 pm
Yep still not done. Though now I am just tired of it. I did add some of my snack to my lunch and that helped but I have about 1/8 of it left and I am just over it. My snack was delish though. The crunch from my toasted almonds and the sweet of my apple helped me from losing interest in my lunch (I added them to the mix of veg, sweet potato, and chicken that I cooked up the night before) and got me from 1/2 to 1/8 but the final bites are just not going to happen so I am tossing this. Its better than eating something else or being craving other things and cheating! I chalk it up to a good thing and a win for me. No cheats thus far! I put my new shoes on the chair in front of my desk so I can remind myself what I am working for and it is a big motivation. Plus, I feel awesome and so full of energy that I don't really want to lose this feeling!

Deux

Day Two! It will be much like yesterday's with a comment throughout the day.

Last night
Day 1 over and done with and I am very happy with the end result. I felt great, did what I was supposed to, and only yelled at one person! I went to bed early, fell asleep quickly, and slept fairly soundly. It was wonderful and not the norm. It made getting up in the morning and starting my day that much easier.

10:21 am
So far, the day has been good. My assistant said that I am acting like I am hopped up on Mountain Dew which is crazy to me as I haven't even had coffee today. I feel really good and full of energy. My mind is completely clear and focused...though I do get distracted easily. Breakfast has been hard to consume and I have about 1/4 of it left but I really cant finish it. I should have eaten all of it in one go when I got to work but I keep getting interrupted and it has been dragged out for 2 hours. Now I am full and don't want any more of it. My body will have to adjust to eating more clean food compared to the crap it was previously consuming.

3:13 pm
Well I am just now getting to my lunch. I havent been hungry but I have been incredibly busy and it has wrecked my schedule. I am going to need to make sure to work on it better tomorrow. Bestie just showed up with the love of my life so I am off to hold him!

Uno!

I have decided to break this up throughout the day to help when I am going crazy and to keep track of the changes. It may be confusing or weird at times but each section was written as the day progressed to help keep me on track. 

9:45 am 

Thus far, I already have more energy. I think part of that stems from prepping everything the night before which is less stress for me in the morning (and I can sleep better being prepared) as well as the protein shake I had first thing. I feel awake and energetic which is normally not the case and I am more alert. I did not hit the gym today like I had hoped but I will fix that tonight and get some exercise in. I am learning to not beat myself up over what I didn't accomplish and, instead, focus on what I did. This morning I woke up, took my vitamins, drank my shake, and put on my patch. We shall see how this pans out!

2:36 pm 

This Afternoon....still feeling pretty good! Energy is up and I am not, yet, feeling the usual drags from no coffee or tea all day. Of course that could come from the jerks that were once my wonderful dogs. Like every day that they are here, Bill and Daisy get to have some freedoms that perhaps need to be revoked. They often get to be off leash in my office, outside, and on their runs with Howard. Today was like any other except Daisy decided to not listen. Oh, she would eventually return but when it suited her and not when I called her back. Bill, being a puppy, would come running to me and then back to her like it was a game. Finally Ms. Daisy decided to head back when all of a sudden, a lady with a dog appeared. Of course, this is great fun for them! They are used to the boxer that works next door and the three dogs across the way that they play with so they assumed that this guy was to be played with. 99% of the time, I can whistle and they will come back but today they didn't. The lady walking her dog started FLIPPING out. Screaming and yelling her head off. Well Bill thought she wanted to say hi! I know it was my fault for letting them have their freedom and not making sure to have 100% control over my dogs but I thought her reaction was comical. She was screaming about aggressive pitbulls and a few people in the building next door came out to find out what was going on. One guy told her to chill out and calm down but that didn't help. I apologized and used the "mom" voice. Boy do they listen when I use that voice. Lesson learned...make sure I have the tools to keep my dogs and others safe. I was genuinely shocked by Daisy's total disregard for my commands and stubbornness. Now they are sleeping in my office; Bill in his crate and Daisy at my feet. Daisy knows she is in hot water and has stuck by my side since the incident but it has left me a little shaken. It might be awhile before these two get to come back (though my boss will most likely cry and moan over it!) I will have to work on retraining her recalls and dig out the remote. Sigh. Dogs. 

4:35 pm

Wow! My energy levels are still looking pretty good! I am tired but less so than normal and I have put in a long, sugar free day. Today was good. I missed my second snack and will probably eat it on the way home. It is super easy to forget to eat when super busy at work and phone going crazy (plus dogs that run away!) so I need to remind myself to get it all in. I didn't manage to eat all of my lunch so I will need to watch that tomorrow as well. I feel alert and more focused today though I am a tad snappier and finding that my patience is spread thin when dealing with some of my employees. I already talked to them about it and so most are ok but I do feel bad. I cannot tell if my irritation is justified or exaggerated. We shall see what tomorrow brings. 

Overall, today has been a successful day. I am proud of myself for not cheating on the first day, which is so easy to do, and am excited for tomorrow. 

Crystal 1 Addictions 0 Dogs -50 -_-

Its been so long!

So much time has passed since my last post! A brief update:

Bought a condo
Moved into condo
LOVE condo
Decorated and painted (and still painting and decorating) said condo
Got a puppy
Contemplated returning puppy (I jest!)
Work, work, and work
More work
Shoes arrived for my Brother's wedding...they don't fit.

That was a big wake up call. My fat feet do not fit into my 3" wedge sandals that I spent $70 on. It literally looks like a squishy roll was forced into casing then strapped down like its life depended on it. I don't know how I am supposed to wear these death traps if my foot doesn't fit. My sweet soon-to-be SIL offered to make up a medical reason why I, out of nine women, need to wear different shoes but that is not cool. Though...being a klutz is a serious condition and I do risk stealing the spotlight when I trip down the aisle! Anyways, her solution, though wonderfully sweet, does not work for me. My solution? Weight loss! I have to fit into a dress anyways and I will be standing with some hot ladies so I will need to look my best! On that note, SIL is going to have a good looking bridal party!

Ok so how do I go about losing the weight I need to? Well the first option that comes to mind is Paleo. I have seen tremendous results doing Paleo however it is very tough to stick to when you work 60+ hours. I want to try something similar with maybe a bit of leeway. I know that when I cut out sugar, dairy, and gluten, I feel wonderful. Maybe that will be my route? I don't want to overwhelm myself, not with work going crazy and the overall insanity that is my life, but I need to do something!

Next, I need to get back to the gym. I currently have a 24hour membership but it is SO BORING! I miss the different workouts that CrossFit had to offer and the community (though I am the shy girl that doesnt talk to anyone so I end up on the side doing my own thing lol) as well as the challenge of beating yourself and getting better at a movement. I would go back but my knee is messed up and I am limited in my movements. I will be that special case that I am sure all trainers hate! My brother disagrees but to that, I am not sure, maybe he has more patience than most or just wants me to get back. Ugh. Regardless, I will need to start with the gym and just get moving. There are so many inspirational people that I am friends with making amazing changes and I want to do it too! Blogging and writing down what I eat and do will help keep me accountable.

I am excited for the changes!

I have quickly discovered that if I don't wear mascara on my lower lashes, I will look less like a raccoon when my tears spill over. These are not sad or angry tears, they are exuberant and happy tears.

My brother is getting married. My baby brother is engaged and marrying the love of his life and I have never been more excited for the two of them. I have always liked my brothers "girlfriends" (can they really be that serious when they are that young??) but there is something pretty amazing about his fiance. She stands up to him, tells him to be nice (to me especially), and evens him out. They are what a couple should be: real, full of love and arguments, and good for each other. Plus, anyone who can live with my brother for any extended period of time is a saint in my book ;) I am just so happy for them!

A coworker asked me yesterday "how does it feel to be 6 years older, single, and watching your younger siblings getting married?" Honestly? It feels freeing and wonderful to see my family find their "one" and build a life with them. It means there will be babies for me to babysit and play with. It means that there will be more people sitting around the table for a game of International, Monopoly, or Lucky Seven. It means I will have that many more amazing people in my life, a part of my family. I kind of laughed when he asked me that and told him that as long as there is an open bar, they can get married all they want to. What would be the point in worrying about something that I have no control over? It will happen when it happens and I get to enjoy life in the meantime.

Speaking of! I have now looked at close to 37 properties and I am STILL in love with one of the first ones I viewed. Actually, it was the sixth one but it is the top at the moment. I have found some that are comparable but none that can meet it or beat it. One was incredibly close but it didnt have a fenced yard, was $10,000 more, and there was a strict weight restriction on dogs that Daisy BARELY passed. Ok, technically she is too heavy for the complex but you cant really tell her weight so, unless they forced her on the scale, it wouldnt have been an issue. However, it was just ok compared to the one in Everett. The Everett condo has a fulled fenced backyard, a spacious and open layout, 2 bedrooms, 1.75 baths, an attached garage and high ceilings which is not common in a lower level unit. I am still looking but I keep coming back to that one. It also doesn't have stairs of any kind which is a huge selling factor. Being one of the klutizest people I know, stairs are a bad thing and I don't think slipping and falling down a bunch is good for a recovering knee. Which, by the way, is doing really well!! I have been rowing, walking, and working it over with the lacrosse ball and it feels so much stronger. I am still leary of squats and anything that requires too much work but I no longer limp when I walk, I can go up and down stairs like normal instead of one leg at a time, and I have no problems standing up. I may have failed in going back to the doctor because I know he will yell at me for not using my brace like I should have (I get yelled at enough at work) but I might have to bite the bullet and head back in soon. I really want to get back into the workouts at CF and get into a routine but that will require a visit back to my doctor. Ugh. In the meantime, I have lost almost 20 pounds since the beginning of December and everyday I am one step closer to my goals.

Yeah, life is pretty awesome right now.